Two minutes wasted reading my blog

There’s a guy who has a column in the local free magazine who calls himself a “Christian Comedian.” I’ve never really understood that term, because I think of the word “comedian” as describing a job, and the term “Christian” as describing a person’s religious identity. We don’t hear many people calling themselves a “Christian Plumber” or a “Christian Bank Teller,” but there are certain occupations where, presumably, Christans are so underrepresented, their Christian identity gets attached to their job description.

Anyhow, I’m a Christian, and I think I’m pretty funny most of the time. (I think if you asked most of my acquaintances to describe me, the word funny would come up more often than not.) But, I’d never call myself a Christian Comedian, even if I was doing standup. In my mind, funny is funny, and a comedian only needs to be funny to do his job. Also, a comedian doesn’t have to be Christian to have a clean act. Most stand up comedians use a lot of profanity and shock language because: 1. they’re not that funny and profanity is a cheap way to get a laugh, or 2. they’re lazy and profanity is a cheap way to get a laugh.

Back to the point though….

This “Christian Comedian” writes these really really lame humor pieces for this local magazine. Last month, he had a piece that he did where he made fun of Gilligan’s Island. It was incredibily lame and old. For 40 years people have made jokes about Gilligan’s Island: if the professor can build a radio from a coconut, why can’t he fix a boat…blah blah blah. It might have been funny….FORTY YEARS AGO!!! Now it’s just played out.

Anyway, that got me thinking: I have a new mission on this blog (besides mocking cheesy tv preachers.) From now on, I’m going to list played out jokes. That way, if you’re a wanna be comedian, you can read my blog and do one of two things: 1. if you suck, you’ll use the played out jokes in your act. or, 2. if you’re trying to be creative and funny, you’ll know which jokes have been totally played out. So, basically this is a public service

Played out Jokes:

1. Jokes about Gilligan’s Island- Trust me, they’ve all been done. The professor can build a clock radio from a coconut and two bananas, but they can’t fix the boat. HA HA HA? No, lame…played out. Why did they bring all those clothes for a 3 hour tour? HA HA HA? No, lame…played out.

2. Jokes about how adults can’t set the clock on a VCR, but small children can. Once again, this might have been funny in 1981. If you can’t set the clock on your VCR now, you’re just a moron, which isn’t all that funny. Also, you should probably upgrade to a DVD or Tivo now.

3. Jokes about how it’s hard to understand fast food drive through speakers. Even if you can do a somewhat realistic sounding muffled voice (by covering your mouth with your hands), it’s just old.

4. (For Jeff Foxworthy only) You might be a Redneck jokes: please, come up with something new. This was hilarious in 1995, but dude….that was 1995!

5. Jokes about how dangerous it is to answer a wife or girlfriend when she tries something on and asks, “Does this make me look fat?” Related: jokes about guys leaving the toilet seat up.

6. Jokes about old people driving down the interstate with their turn-signal on.

7.  Jokes about how guys refuse to ask for directions.

Any others?